This is our first Thanksgiving in our new home. Many years from now, our story will still be told. @everyone gather around and let Lord Dingle tell the tale...
As most already know (or should know), the Pilgrims who settled in Plymouth in 1620 were escaping religious tyranny in England. William Brewster, William Bradford, and hundreds of others were being persecuted by King James for daring to practice religion in a way that didn’t follow the restrictive rules of the Church of England. So, they sailed across the Channel to Leiden, Netherlands in search of freedom. Soon enough, they realized that their new home was not going to be what they were truly seeking. Even though they now had more freedom, many of the locals resented their arrival and takeover of the city of Leiden. The city was much improved by their presence, but locals can be protective of even a dying city. There was only going to be one way for the Pilgrims to find complete freedom and happiness. Find a new, unspoiled land to plant their flag of freedom. The story of their first Thanksgiving in the autumn of 1621 has been told and retold countless times. Let’s not do so again.
A little over 400 years later, a more historical first Thanksgiving is about to take place—the first Thanksgiving of the PatsFags Pilgrims. Like the original Pilgrims, they fled tyranny of a weak monarch. Queen Ian ordered the death of two of the most radical and outspoken critics of the Queen’s restrictions to free speech and basic common sense. The two heroes fled to a new land called The Planet where they hatched a plan to build a better future. Quickly, other targets of Ian’s limp wristed hand of injustice joined them at The Planet. It didn’t take long for the locals to suffer dry vagina at the loud, witty, and hilarious newcomers. Rather than get down on their knees and be grateful for the unexpected shot of life into their dying home, most of the Planet locals responded with feminine petulance. The Pilgrims knew it was time to find a new home. A home untainted by soft human influence.
And here the New World was created. Originally named Lords of the Rings, it was a home for Patriot fans only. For the exiles. The name quickly changed to be more inclusive of other football cultures. Lesser cultures, to be sure, but these Pilgrims welcomed breaking bread with lesser cultures! On the cusp of the first Thanksgiving, all is peaceful and harmonious. It is time to give thanks.
Disclaimer:
***The harmony of 1621 did not last long. In 1674, the sons and grandsons of the first Pilgrims and their Indian friends fired the first shots of King Philip’s War, a war that would spill blood all over New England for almost two years. It is still the deadliest war (per capita) in this country’s history. This is not meant to be a warning. Enjoy this while you can. When we eventually flame out, history tells us it will be epic!
As most already know (or should know), the Pilgrims who settled in Plymouth in 1620 were escaping religious tyranny in England. William Brewster, William Bradford, and hundreds of others were being persecuted by King James for daring to practice religion in a way that didn’t follow the restrictive rules of the Church of England. So, they sailed across the Channel to Leiden, Netherlands in search of freedom. Soon enough, they realized that their new home was not going to be what they were truly seeking. Even though they now had more freedom, many of the locals resented their arrival and takeover of the city of Leiden. The city was much improved by their presence, but locals can be protective of even a dying city. There was only going to be one way for the Pilgrims to find complete freedom and happiness. Find a new, unspoiled land to plant their flag of freedom. The story of their first Thanksgiving in the autumn of 1621 has been told and retold countless times. Let’s not do so again.
A little over 400 years later, a more historical first Thanksgiving is about to take place—the first Thanksgiving of the PatsFags Pilgrims. Like the original Pilgrims, they fled tyranny of a weak monarch. Queen Ian ordered the death of two of the most radical and outspoken critics of the Queen’s restrictions to free speech and basic common sense. The two heroes fled to a new land called The Planet where they hatched a plan to build a better future. Quickly, other targets of Ian’s limp wristed hand of injustice joined them at The Planet. It didn’t take long for the locals to suffer dry vagina at the loud, witty, and hilarious newcomers. Rather than get down on their knees and be grateful for the unexpected shot of life into their dying home, most of the Planet locals responded with feminine petulance. The Pilgrims knew it was time to find a new home. A home untainted by soft human influence.
And here the New World was created. Originally named Lords of the Rings, it was a home for Patriot fans only. For the exiles. The name quickly changed to be more inclusive of other football cultures. Lesser cultures, to be sure, but these Pilgrims welcomed breaking bread with lesser cultures! On the cusp of the first Thanksgiving, all is peaceful and harmonious. It is time to give thanks.
Disclaimer:
***The harmony of 1621 did not last long. In 1674, the sons and grandsons of the first Pilgrims and their Indian friends fired the first shots of King Philip’s War, a war that would spill blood all over New England for almost two years. It is still the deadliest war (per capita) in this country’s history. This is not meant to be a warning. Enjoy this while you can. When we eventually flame out, history tells us it will be epic!
